Forgot for a bit that I had this blog… Actually I didn’t, but I just haven’t had time to update anything.
I was doing good. Really good. And then I just kinda let it all slip through my fingers. Which is my own fault of course, but everything works out in the end, right?
I have a new job. Management company that owns like…. 12 nursing homes. 3 of which I’m in charge of. Which totally beats doing 6 of them and practically losing my mind everyday.
Bam is still in my life… wasn’t for a bit, then moved in w/ me for a lil, then out, and now he’s in FL. Which doesn’t do me a bit of good, but we’re still whatever we were earlier. We both know we have feelings for eachother, but he’s not moving back till he has $$ saved up n’ a job n’ everything lined up here again. And then, we shall date. Maybe? Who knows. I’ve flat out told him that he has my heart, always has n’ probably always will. So that’s something, right? I mean I never put myself out on the line like that so the fact that I have with him has to mean something. What does it mean when a guy is willing to get you tattooed on himself? Hopefully a lot. Or at least i’m taking it that way b/c that’s how I am. I love this guy. Truly. And I refuse to let him get away again. Last time it almost killed me, and I can’t go through that again.. (but you don’t know about last time b/c I took a break from spilling myself to strangers).
I had a relationship back in December. I did. Well… not really.. He thought we were in a relationship. I stuck him in limbo b/c I didn’t want to be w/ him, but I didn’t want to be alone either. The poor kid went n’ fell for me too. Shame the feelings weren’t the same on my end. But really, I don’t need a guy who doesn’t have a job or isn’t going to school and isn’t amounting to anything with his life. I don’t need that. I’ve grown past that stage and know what I need. It’s an all or nothing things these days. I shouldn’t have to settle for something that’s not everything I want and more…
I have some of the best friends in the world. They are my rock. They keep me grounded as well as let me float a bit and imagine the “what ifs” in life. They are the best people I have ever known, and I am extremely thankful to have them in my life. All of them.
There is no sex to be had. At least none this year (ok. I lie. I tried w/ Brain, but he had drank so much that he couldn’t keep it up, so that doesn’t count as sex. right?) I spent too much of last year sleeping around w/ random people n’ then having the losers decide that they’re actually in love w/ me. Too much drama that I don’t need. Hopefully this year will be different…. Hopefully.
This is the year of me. It’s all about me. And what’s good for me. Which would explain the weightloss. Something that needed to happen for my sanity and not for anything else. But i’m proud of it, and I’m going to continue on it. So bugger off if you have anything negative to say about it. I don’t wanna hear it. This is my year and everything will go my way!
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