Forgot for a bit that I had this blog… Actually I didn’t, but I just haven’t had time to update anything.
I was doing good. Really good. And then I just kinda let it all slip through my fingers. Which is my own fault of course, but everything works out in the end, right?
With all said and done, no matter how drunk i may have gotten…. I went over there. And spent the night with him. So i’ve given up trying to get over him. Whatever. Shit happens. And I can’t control anything, much less my feelings, anymore. So yes, I had sex w/ a guy who has a gf. Whatever. Not the 1st time. Won’t be the last. Promised that lastnight didn’t happen. So the only people who know that I was over there other then us, are mom n’ the sis.
But according to the popular social networking site, they are no longer together. Uh oh?
My morals abandoned me. I don’t care that he has a girlfriend. So I’m drinking so much that someone else has a chance with me tonight as long as they drive.
He asked for sex. Then nothing…. Then I learn on FB that they’re together. He wasn’t sure she’d accept when he txt’d me. But no, he couldn’t tell me. I had to learn on a fucking social networking site. It’s been 3 months. He wasn’t in my phone. I don’t use messengers anymore. I was good. I was trying to move on. But no. That was too easy..
What do you do when you try to move on, but the other person just doesn’t want to let you out of their grasp? When it’s just a game to them?
Ben n’ the gf are having another baby. I get another baby!! I totally called godmother, but I don’t know if the gf’s sister is gong to put up a fit like she did w/ the 1st one….. I hope not. I want one of those kids.
I can care less that she’s talking to him. I have nothing against him n’ only wish him the best in anything he does… But when she calls me to tell me that they’re talking (assuming that I care, or that I don’t already know), to tell me that she brought up my name only to say that she told him if he were to come here he’d have to stay far away for risk of me killing/hurting him. Really now? I mean seriously? That’s childish. There are no hard feelings… What I don’t understand is why she’d even do that.. I don’t mention him. She’s got this thing in her head that I’m holding a grudge or something. And I’m not. I’m just annoyed. At her. Read More…
We talked. For a few hours. Got everything straightened out. He’s not engaged. And he likes me!
*hops around the room singing “he likes me” over and over again
I’m happy. Truly happy. I’ll be even happier after we hang out n’ he asks me out :p
The 1st 3 hours of this year sucked. Hopefully that isn’t a preview for the months to come….
Hope all you out in internetland have a great year
I feel like an idiot.
I’m back to being a hermit
As I was leaving tonight, I remote started my car from his apt. In order to do so, I had to lock it twice so it beeped… At the beep, he looks at me and goes “that’s my other girlfriend”. I was speechless, so I just looked at him. He goes “yeah, she’s the kind I have to blow up”… He didn’t clarify the other girlfriend comment tho…. So I’m left wondering, does he consider me his girlfriend??
3:30 in the morning, and I’m wide awake. Doesn’t matter that I just got home. All that matters is I’m wide awake, and can’t sleep. Yes, I’m laying here in bed writing this. After my desktop took a shit and died, the laptop decided it wanted to get wireless in my room, so it’s spending the days hanging out on my bed.
I don’t know what made me look at his page, but the fact that it now says he’s engaged. Well, that’s the end of that. Right now, I don’t even want to talk to him ever again.
I recently gave my friend 2 months to date me or never mention his crush ever again. The crush is mutual. Has been for the past 6 years.
But time is running out. And I don’t know what I want to do when it does. Do I continue to wait for him? or move on?
I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants him to suck it up and just get on with it… Another isn’t sure that if we do date, that it’ll be everything we wanted it to be. With his crazy work schedule and me still looking for a job… He blames the fact that we’re not together on the fact that he’s just such a crazy work schedule. But at the same time, I think that if he really, and I mean really, wanted to make this happen, then he’d find a few hours to do it….
Who knows what’s going to happen…
Cost me 3 hours, $38, and my sanity to realize a part of me loves him.
Shit
A month later I learn that I’m not. Thank god. Freaking out for an entire month is not healthy. 3 people knew. Ben and Casper said they’d support whatever I decided to do.
DQ said I wasn’t allowed to get rid of it in any sense. Said that I could move there n’ she’d take care of us. I love her, but that….. no. That’s not right.
I’m glad i’m not. but at the same time, I kinda wish I was. But only if the other person would have been someone else. Almost anyone else. Or at least someone who didn’t ignore you after you had sex w/ him. But as previously stated, no more sex w/ people who aren’t Brain.
Ran into a former coworker while food shopping. My ex-boss has been through 2 people since getting rid of me. I laughed. So hard. Didn’t think they could keep anyone around to work w/ her. And I was right. Muahahahaha
But on the work front, still job hunting. But at least i’m back in school and doing something w/ myself other then sitting around. I have odd jobs here n’ there and my uncle just lost his babysitter, so I may watch my cousins for the rest of the summer.
I should really either learn not to have sex w/ people other then Brain. Or take my damn birthcontrol pills on time. But since it wasn’t really an issue before this, I guess it didn’t bother me.
Now it’s an issue.
And Michelle’s WEDDING is Saturday. But my jobless ass doesn’t have the $ to go. I think I might cry at that fact.
I have an offer to move to NY tho. Sometimes it’s tempting.
There’s not much to say..
After a year of not hearing from Brain, we got together and had amazing sex. Who knows what’s happening now.
I am still having sex w/ my friend. But him n’ I can hang out and just hang out. We’re friends before anything else.
I’m jobless. Yup. But it’s okay. I really wasn’t happy, and now i’m back in school (while jub hunting of course)
Ben is having a baby boy! I’m going to be an Aunt and have an adorable little boy to spoil rotten!
I’m completely happy without a boyfriend. Actually, probably happier then i’ve been in a long time and for a longer amount of time then normal.
The whole giving up guys for lent idea is working out really well. For the most part. Hung out w/ Jiz the other night as well as 2 friends of ours. Girls night. till some of Jiz’s friends showed up… Woulda been fine except i have a crush on one of them and the other seems to have a crush on me.. He was touchy and clingy… At least my friends understand that i’ve given them up until after Easter and they accept it (but they still try to break me of it). I’m kicking ass at the no shopping thing… Did however end up dropping $350 at the vet, but that was needed and not shopping.. Woo for tax returns!
And then I cut out 3/4 of the post….
I’ve gotten over the emotional-mess-breakdown-whatever-it-was. I’m good. But that’s in the post that’s still sitting in my bag that i’m just too comfy to get up n’ type up.
I’m an emotional mess.
The randomness in my head
1. I’m going to be an aunt. Ben is having a baby!!!
2. I am house hunting. Yes, house. Not apt. I will own something.
3. Boss is back at work after being gone for over a month. I’m back to job hunting.
4. Michelle is getting married…. I need to find the money to go to the wedding.
a. As well as the money for Ben’s baby shower
5. My friends are invading my dreams. I’m afraid to find out what it means.
6. Guys are good in bed. Sex toys are easier (no worry of emotional attachment).
7. Sex needs to be fun. If it’s not, then it’s not worth doing.
8. I’m thinking of being a Dirty Little Whore for a friend. It’s an exclusive thing. And pertains to him and only him.
9. I need new drinking buddies. People I trust.
10. I am happy. I believe it is the casual sex w/ my buddy, but who knows.
There are all these thoughts running through my head that i can’t seem to put into catagories..
I hate it when this happens.
but for the time being, i’m back to updating here. (you know you missed me)
I had wanted to do this like 2 weeks ago. but never got around to it. I was going to say i’m happy n’ perky and everything else. things were finally going right. I gave up the idiots in my life and it’s been good for me.
Went over a year w/o having sex (my own choice. i extended lent till i wasn’t feeling pressured).
but now…. everyone is pressuring me for something. idiots i don’t know are asking me to go out with them. to meet them w/o never talking to them. And I won’t do it. It’s creepy, and i’m not that nuts.
But i’ve been good. It’s been more about me than anyone else. I needed to do that.
Hope all of you out there are having a great Valentines Day!!
